Tonight my mental light is burning bright. I have thoughts that I have to unburden in order to go back to the responsibilities that I find myself facing, and the things I have committed myself to already. But I'm starting to realize my heart and where it lies, and somehow God or Jesus lies in there, despite my every intentions of thrusting Him or It out, and keeping them separate from the ME that lives inside of me.
Problem is, they aren't separate, nor am I separate from you, nor you separate from the Earth, nor the Earth separate from the moon or the stars or the Sun or the galaxy or the Universe. I suppose it's Uni for a reason; all are One. Under God. That's where we should be pledging our allegiance, to God and the Universe, to push love forever, and to BE love forever.
Yet we can't, because we're tied down by the mundane, the human created things that are imperfect, and will always be imperfect. I am myself tied down by myself, and my forever inquisitive ways. And my prideful ways.
I have a dream set before me, stronger than any I have felt before, except that at this moment they are split in two with only thin threads that bind them together, and something of this "whole picture" missing. I want to be a traveling prophet of sorts, not the one going around and prophesizing, but the one taking people on trips to discover themselves. I have the experience of doing that, allowing people to enter deeper into life, and this universal Love I speak of, that Jesus the historical and Biblical figure spoke of, that Ghandi and MLK spoke of, that the homeless man down the street from my home sometimes speaks of.
Jesus lived among the homeless. Still does, depending upon how you want to look at it, and where your level of understanding of the human language is at at this particular moment in time. that's another part of my dream, I want to chase Jesus the man and God into every nook and cranny of the Earth, trying to find him, and trying to share the wealth in the community that we human beings are undeniably evolved and made for.
I work, so far, every summer, for a Scout Camp in New Hampshire, and this summer I'll hopefully be the Trek Director, organizing and running Treks down the Pemmigewasset River and in the White Mountains. Hiking, Canoeing, maybe even Biking. That'd be what I love to do. I just thought about it, and imagined one night sitting around asking people how're they're doing, but asking deeper questions softly. I say softly, because these kids are no older than 17, and no younger than 13. I can't imagine thinking that deeply at such a young age, at least for an extended period of time. Actually, I can, but I don't know if I can engage all of the Scouts that would be on the trip.
And I think about it more, I would want to ask the questions: why are YOU in Scouting? What does Scouting do for you? What do you want to get out of life? what do you want to put back into life? Those questions, go from there. I'd love to hear everyone's stories, as they are doubtless all unique, and if they are not, they are not telling their story.
But would that be finding Jesus? These kids, they'd mostly all have privileged lives of sorts. I'd be sitting on the bank of a river in New Hampshire, being paid more money for even one week than a ton of people in the world make in a year, eating more food in one setting than 30% of the world would eat in three days, and thinking that I am serving a higher cause.
But would I actually be thinking that? And would my occupation (at that very moment in time, at least) be any less noble because it wasn't serving those people? How could I embrace and expose myself to the deep richness of poverty, but also the tantalizing fear that comes with embracing God fully? I don't think most people have embraced God fully, not most of the people I know.
That also makes me wonder. Is it any less holy or Christian or Loving to go back to that place from whence you came, and to live in a way similar to that which you had lived (in excess, in my case), if you have the intentions of coaxing others out of their molds of life? If we try to break down all that we are and recreate a world community of Love that would be Heaven on Earth? that each of us can attain at some point in our lives, without fully realizing it?
Kudos to you for having read this far, and I promise my thoughts will not stop here. They'll be pouring out from myself, and spreading to others as they think them, and share them with others, and a cavalcade will begin, only to find other sources of thoughts and Love and combine them into a flowing river, into an endless infinite stream that is God and Jesus and Love and PAIN and suffering and beauty and Grace.
To bring it all crashing back to the hilarious simplicity of human life, I sewed my button back into place today, stood up a few minutes later, looked down, and asked "why is my button unbuttoned??" truly puzzled. That's just how we work as humans, and that's all life is.
Because once we pass, the world keeps spinning, the people keep loving (or hating), and the "battle between heaven and hell" wages on. Oh hypocrisy.
~Sean
2 comments:
don't use flowery language and big words if they don't make sense. be concise. even if I don't agree with your ideas, i can tell you that you can express them in less bogus and lofty ways.
haha yikes I'll take that with intended respect.
Don't give such general feedback if you ever intend to have others utilize your suggestions. In smaller words, i suppose, please point out some specific phrases or places that really bothered you and maybe even suggest how to simplify them. What do you mean by "bogus and lofty"?
Last bit of my own respectful criticism for you; people will be more apt to appreciate your comments and you as a person if you attempt empathy and show that you are trying to understand where they are coming from or where they are at in that moment in time. For example, this was written at 2 or 3AM, after a night of a few intense discussions; hence the flowery language and inconcise structure. If you approached this by saying something along the lines of "If you don't mind me making a suggestion, I wouldn't use... because it doesn't work here, and it makes me feel [insert whatever here]. I do agree with [maybe nothing] but disagree with [apparently a lot here]."
So, I am sorry on two counts: one) the feedback you gave me helps me in no way and I can't go back to change something when I have no idea where you disliked the writing (I understand what i was trying to say and have trouble stepping outside of my own writing to read from a neutral perspective) and two) that I turned this into me criticizing you with absolutely no knowledge of who you are as a person. I apologize for that. But i'm not deleting any of this.
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