If only my deep thoughts could match the rest of my life, then I think I'd live in a song.
A song that's slow, melodic, harmonious, bright, dreary, shiny, friendless, friendly, open, closed, raining, emotional, serious, twangy, illustrative.
I want you to be part of that song that is in my blood.
Part of the song in my "soul".
But every time I try to speak something deep, every time I speak my own thoughts, you smile as if I'm "almost there."
And that smile turns away me and more people than you could ever know.
You're lucky I keep coming back. You know that others don't.
Honestly, if I had to, I would choose to abandon my station in life and walk a song, 70 miles in one direction, then sit down and wait until someone came along and talked to me. That person would be my beginning.
Can God smile?
Can He laugh?
Can She cry?
Can She emote?
Can He think?
Can Jesus save?
Can the Spirit crack a joke?
Can God get horny?
Did Jesus the Man?
Can God experience vertigo?
Can Jesus fly?
Can I ask any more questions? Yes.
Do the answers to these matter?
Not pragmatically.
AKA practically.
AKA usefully.
Simplify.
Sorry if this makes no sense.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
This day
This day has given me a lot to think about.
Ever have those days which you could point to and say "that's when I started feeling this way about the world, and myself in that world?"
This will be one of those days.
Thank you to all those involved.
Which if you wanted to get really general etc., would be everyone and everything in the history of the Universe.
So... allow me to make the even better jump.
Thank you, Universe.
And because I'm currently of the idea that by "universe" i mean "that which is greater than--but can never be known how greater--the universe," and owing to the fact that this force or love or binding "spirit" that people have come to recognize has been called "God" before,
I can rightfully say, Thank you, God, for this day.
And because I don't want to make my gratitude seem to be for a singular day, which it isn't, I feel as though I can also rightfully say, Thank you God for my life. And because my life has been a creation (love the idea of evolution fitting in here), I can ultimately trace it back to the Universe again.
So, Thank you God for the gift of life, and the Universe of which that life is a part.
Amen.
Ever have those days which you could point to and say "that's when I started feeling this way about the world, and myself in that world?"
This will be one of those days.
Thank you to all those involved.
Which if you wanted to get really general etc., would be everyone and everything in the history of the Universe.
So... allow me to make the even better jump.
Thank you, Universe.
And because I'm currently of the idea that by "universe" i mean "that which is greater than--but can never be known how greater--the universe," and owing to the fact that this force or love or binding "spirit" that people have come to recognize has been called "God" before,
I can rightfully say, Thank you, God, for this day.
And because I don't want to make my gratitude seem to be for a singular day, which it isn't, I feel as though I can also rightfully say, Thank you God for my life. And because my life has been a creation (love the idea of evolution fitting in here), I can ultimately trace it back to the Universe again.
So, Thank you God for the gift of life, and the Universe of which that life is a part.
Amen.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Mere Christianity preface
I just read the preface to Mere Christianity (the second edition that was edited by C.S. Lewis a decade after it's initial publication) and I needed to vent my initial reaction. All in all, I accept Lewis' multiple reasons for editing the book and putting out a different version. Also, I accept his reasoning behind defining what it means to be purely Christian.
The example that he uses is the word "gentleman." It used to mean "man who owned land and was a knight" or something along those lines, while it has since come to mean "good." He basically deplored the idea of further defining the word, as it was meant to categorize, not deeply define. Hence, he says it's not useful for non-Christians to say "isn't it okay or even better to live christ-like lives while not being strictly Christian?" He's not denouncing (so far as I've seen) those individual's lives, but he's saying that you can't apply the term Christian to those people regardless of how good, virtuous, ethical, strong their lives and beliefs are.
That enables one to say "he's a bad Christian" or "he's a searching Christian." The word Christian has no value judgement attached to it, although it implies good things.
Regardless, that was cool because it struck home with me, who has been trying to claim lately that although I am not Christian, it does not mean I am not a "religious" person, or someone who attempts to live by a strong moral code and has an outlook on life that is very similar to what a "good" Christian would live. This helps me realize that I'm still categorizable as an agnostic. We'll see from here, but I can quit stressing this point. People will see and let me know if I'm a good person, or if I could be better. That's all that is important.
But the last thing Lewis ends with is this idea of his intentions for this book. He draws a different analogy, comparing "Christianity" to a house which contains many rooms. To enter the house is to be Christian, but not necessarily one type of Christian over another (at this point he attempts to remain neutral by not even mentioning the many different types there are). These types are represented by the rooms. He says the hall-way, the basic idea of being Christian, is a waiting room, where people test the rooms out to determine which one seems to offer the Truth.
I like his sentiment at the end, don't get me wrong. He says that once you find a room, it's important to obey the house rules and respect the others who have chosen other rooms for theirselves, or are still in the hall, because after all, they're in the same house.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER HOUSES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. OR THE OTHER TOWNS IN THE STATE? OR THE WORLD?
Damnit, why does this one house have to be all there is? That's the most frustrating thing for me at the moment. I'm faced with a choice, unwillingly, given to me by all my Christian influences. It's "choose to come to the light or forever walk in shadow." You know that choice? The one that makes you think you're making the "bad" choice?
Why can't there be a version of Christianity which says, in which Jesus Christ himself would say, "Hey, believe in me as the One and True Son of God, and believe in the Holy Trinity, ONLY if it is what feels like the truth for you. AND it is completely okay if you choose not to believe in me and my teachings. I won't stop trying to convince you otherwise, but I won't deny you the equality of your decision." Something like that. I mean, some unconscious conformers will gladly label themselves Christian without examining what it is they claim to be.
That's like claiming to be Republican and completely supporting the Republican Party's platform without applying your own personal scrutiny on the individual subjects.
My point? It's OKAY to be different, it's OKAY to live by a different faith, a different set of standards. What's not okay is to go around without examining closely what it is you're claiming. Furthermore, it's not okay to denounce other people's respective beliefs, nor to talk as if your belief is the only right one. Yes, it's right for you. That conviction you may still have. But to argue vehemently, to talk as if your belief structure, your FAITH is the only one that works? For all mankind? I don't want to be a part of that faith structure, ever. And that's the only thing Christianity has been offering me thus far.
Please, C.S. Lewis, in the name of God, in the name of Love, please show me an alternative root, or prove me wrong. You've minutely done so thus far. Let's see what else you have to throw at me.
For the record, I still love you.
~Sean
The example that he uses is the word "gentleman." It used to mean "man who owned land and was a knight" or something along those lines, while it has since come to mean "good." He basically deplored the idea of further defining the word, as it was meant to categorize, not deeply define. Hence, he says it's not useful for non-Christians to say "isn't it okay or even better to live christ-like lives while not being strictly Christian?" He's not denouncing (so far as I've seen) those individual's lives, but he's saying that you can't apply the term Christian to those people regardless of how good, virtuous, ethical, strong their lives and beliefs are.
That enables one to say "he's a bad Christian" or "he's a searching Christian." The word Christian has no value judgement attached to it, although it implies good things.
Regardless, that was cool because it struck home with me, who has been trying to claim lately that although I am not Christian, it does not mean I am not a "religious" person, or someone who attempts to live by a strong moral code and has an outlook on life that is very similar to what a "good" Christian would live. This helps me realize that I'm still categorizable as an agnostic. We'll see from here, but I can quit stressing this point. People will see and let me know if I'm a good person, or if I could be better. That's all that is important.
But the last thing Lewis ends with is this idea of his intentions for this book. He draws a different analogy, comparing "Christianity" to a house which contains many rooms. To enter the house is to be Christian, but not necessarily one type of Christian over another (at this point he attempts to remain neutral by not even mentioning the many different types there are). These types are represented by the rooms. He says the hall-way, the basic idea of being Christian, is a waiting room, where people test the rooms out to determine which one seems to offer the Truth.
I like his sentiment at the end, don't get me wrong. He says that once you find a room, it's important to obey the house rules and respect the others who have chosen other rooms for theirselves, or are still in the hall, because after all, they're in the same house.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER HOUSES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. OR THE OTHER TOWNS IN THE STATE? OR THE WORLD?
Damnit, why does this one house have to be all there is? That's the most frustrating thing for me at the moment. I'm faced with a choice, unwillingly, given to me by all my Christian influences. It's "choose to come to the light or forever walk in shadow." You know that choice? The one that makes you think you're making the "bad" choice?
Why can't there be a version of Christianity which says, in which Jesus Christ himself would say, "Hey, believe in me as the One and True Son of God, and believe in the Holy Trinity, ONLY if it is what feels like the truth for you. AND it is completely okay if you choose not to believe in me and my teachings. I won't stop trying to convince you otherwise, but I won't deny you the equality of your decision." Something like that. I mean, some unconscious conformers will gladly label themselves Christian without examining what it is they claim to be.
That's like claiming to be Republican and completely supporting the Republican Party's platform without applying your own personal scrutiny on the individual subjects.
My point? It's OKAY to be different, it's OKAY to live by a different faith, a different set of standards. What's not okay is to go around without examining closely what it is you're claiming. Furthermore, it's not okay to denounce other people's respective beliefs, nor to talk as if your belief is the only right one. Yes, it's right for you. That conviction you may still have. But to argue vehemently, to talk as if your belief structure, your FAITH is the only one that works? For all mankind? I don't want to be a part of that faith structure, ever. And that's the only thing Christianity has been offering me thus far.
Please, C.S. Lewis, in the name of God, in the name of Love, please show me an alternative root, or prove me wrong. You've minutely done so thus far. Let's see what else you have to throw at me.
For the record, I still love you.
~Sean
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fall and the foliage
Yeah I have a love for the fall. And it's not just the nipping cold at the end of the luke-warm days which smell of crushed fallen leaves, nor the look of frost-tinged rooves and cars and grass, nor the choo-choo train smoke of breath that alters your vision, but it's the feel of winter coming, the relaxing of natural things, the agreement for some things to die in order so that they live again in a scant few rotations of the sun. It's the understanding that Thanksgiving is coming and that Christmas and the feeling of sitting inside sipping hot cider or cocoa next to a burning fire watching a movie and snuggling up with a blanket or nobody. It's the idea of tackle football, of throwing a perfect spiral just so that one person can catch it. And take that as metaphorically as you'd like.
It's the perfect hiking weather.
It's the time for love to solidify until Valentine's Day, when love decays again.
It's the time to get in touch with people you've lost contact with, and pick up right where you left off.
I have more to say.
But not the time to say it.
~Sean
PS- the above panorama was taken at the Glen Boulder off of the Davis Path just south of Mt. Washington. I took it two weekends ago. the road is Rt. 16, and the mountain in the middle is Wildcat. Enjooooy!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Thank God for Evolution
It has totally been far too long since my last post, but because I think I am the only one who reads what I have to say regularly, I feel only a little bit bad. Also, I have been pretty much out of good internet range for quite a while. This summer has definitely been a transformative one for me, but in what ways I do not yet know. I've learned a LOT from my time up at my fam's new house in Kingfield, ME, and working with our builder/contractor Sebastien Tooker. That was only 4 weeks. Since then I've been working at TL Storer Scout Camp in Barnstead, NH, as a Trek Guide, leading two 50 mile, week-long canoe treks and advertising/selling them for the future.
Word to leaving a legacy, yo.
In the meantime, I have been doing, as always, a lot of thinking, talking, reading, watching (especially Batman, good flick, great philosophical ideas imbedded in badassedness) and in general observing.
Quick intro to my title for this entry: I was walking into Borders book store in order to buy a gag gift for this kid Alan Cunningham for Secret Santa (Christmas in July, great camp tradition) when I looked to my right, on the non-fiction bookstand, and this title of a book caught my eye; Thank God for Evolution.
Yeah, first thought was "Hah, that's amusing..." second was "What's inside?" third, after browsing through the intro and "Author's promises" section, was "How much? I've got to buy this"
I did (had two $25 gift cards in my wallet, unused, go figure, it was cheap anyways) and have yet to be dissappointed. In fact, given the amount of peace and excitement the book has afforded me, it's thus far been the bargain of my life. And that's not an hyperbole.
Basically, I looked at it this way: Here I am, at college, almost adrift trying to find my "passion" and not sure why I am interested in what I do. Here I am, a philosophy major who loves to think about religion and wants to find out more. Here I am, an English major (maybe) who loves to think about words and how they relate to each other, looking to be able to better articulate myself. Here I am, a psychology minor (maybe) with an intense interest in finding out why we humans do the things we do, and why I do the things I do. and of course, here I am, a music minor, looking to better appreciate and learn more about one of my sure-fire passions.
Anyways, what this book does, this introduction and explanation of Evolutionary Theology, is combine everything for me in a way. It shows me that my philosophical inqueries aren't random in coordination with my psychological, but rather they will feed off of each other, and my english studies will give me a way to express what I find, and enable me to better interpret what others are trying to say. And music... we'll see where that takes me for now ;-).
Okay that's long enough for now, because I want people to actually read this post and take it in... small dosages. At least, I know that by now, Kara is definitely losing interest and focus if she hasn't already left the page. So I'll leave a few links.
If you're interested in listening to/learning about what I am currently musing over, check out this youtube interview with the author, Rev. Michael Dowd.
Also, the website for the book (where you can get the first 30 or so pages for free, including his intro and promises! which were what hooked me) is simple... http://thankgodforevolution.com/
Ciao for now, I've got things to do. Like sleep. And probably a video game of some sort. I do that. Sometimes. At least, when I'm in Old Orchard Beach on vacation with my family, I do. Love ya!
God bless.
~Sean
Word to leaving a legacy, yo.
In the meantime, I have been doing, as always, a lot of thinking, talking, reading, watching (especially Batman, good flick, great philosophical ideas imbedded in badassedness) and in general observing.
Quick intro to my title for this entry: I was walking into Borders book store in order to buy a gag gift for this kid Alan Cunningham for Secret Santa (Christmas in July, great camp tradition) when I looked to my right, on the non-fiction bookstand, and this title of a book caught my eye; Thank God for Evolution.
Yeah, first thought was "Hah, that's amusing..." second was "What's inside?" third, after browsing through the intro and "Author's promises" section, was "How much? I've got to buy this"
I did (had two $25 gift cards in my wallet, unused, go figure, it was cheap anyways) and have yet to be dissappointed. In fact, given the amount of peace and excitement the book has afforded me, it's thus far been the bargain of my life. And that's not an hyperbole.
Basically, I looked at it this way: Here I am, at college, almost adrift trying to find my "passion" and not sure why I am interested in what I do. Here I am, a philosophy major who loves to think about religion and wants to find out more. Here I am, an English major (maybe) who loves to think about words and how they relate to each other, looking to be able to better articulate myself. Here I am, a psychology minor (maybe) with an intense interest in finding out why we humans do the things we do, and why I do the things I do. and of course, here I am, a music minor, looking to better appreciate and learn more about one of my sure-fire passions.
Anyways, what this book does, this introduction and explanation of Evolutionary Theology, is combine everything for me in a way. It shows me that my philosophical inqueries aren't random in coordination with my psychological, but rather they will feed off of each other, and my english studies will give me a way to express what I find, and enable me to better interpret what others are trying to say. And music... we'll see where that takes me for now ;-).
Okay that's long enough for now, because I want people to actually read this post and take it in... small dosages. At least, I know that by now, Kara is definitely losing interest and focus if she hasn't already left the page. So I'll leave a few links.
If you're interested in listening to/learning about what I am currently musing over, check out this youtube interview with the author, Rev. Michael Dowd.
Also, the website for the book (where you can get the first 30 or so pages for free, including his intro and promises! which were what hooked me) is simple... http://thankgodforevolution.com/
Ciao for now, I've got things to do. Like sleep. And probably a video game of some sort. I do that. Sometimes. At least, when I'm in Old Orchard Beach on vacation with my family, I do. Love ya!
God bless.
~Sean
Friday, May 30, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Strawberries
I suppose I said I was going to re-address my last post, but I don't really feel like it. Instead, I want to let everyone know something about me that absolutely makes me happy.
I lead into it like that because initially, I never thought too much about this particular thing, or about how much I truly love it, but the more I get, the more I want, the more I love. I thought that maybe it was because I told people I loved it that it happened... but it's true, on a different level.
I love strawberries. Freshly picked and cut strawberries are perhaps my favorite food, ever. My mom makes sure that there are a bowl of fresh strawberries waiting for me when I get home, and I forget about it every time until I get home and look at the counter and voilà, there they are!
So if you ever want to make me happy on a bad day, or want to give me a snack that I will love you for, make it strawberries. It can be chocolate covered, strawberries with coolwhip, strawberries with vanilla yogurt, strawberries with all of those combined, strawberries in Cheerios... so many things, I love it all.
That's the extent of this post because I've learned that people dislike reading long posts.
Bye-Bey
(i meant to put the typo in, for rizzle)
~$34|\|
I lead into it like that because initially, I never thought too much about this particular thing, or about how much I truly love it, but the more I get, the more I want, the more I love. I thought that maybe it was because I told people I loved it that it happened... but it's true, on a different level.
I love strawberries. Freshly picked and cut strawberries are perhaps my favorite food, ever. My mom makes sure that there are a bowl of fresh strawberries waiting for me when I get home, and I forget about it every time until I get home and look at the counter and voilà, there they are!
So if you ever want to make me happy on a bad day, or want to give me a snack that I will love you for, make it strawberries. It can be chocolate covered, strawberries with coolwhip, strawberries with vanilla yogurt, strawberries with all of those combined, strawberries in Cheerios... so many things, I love it all.
That's the extent of this post because I've learned that people dislike reading long posts.
Bye-Bey
(i meant to put the typo in, for rizzle)
~$34|\|
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The idea of carpe diem
sort've infuriates me sometimes, although it's a fun mantra to have. I want to see the person who says and lives by the "live each day as if it were your last" quote. I mean, think about it... if you were to live each day like it were your last, you'd be doing things out of sure pleasure or reflection or things that you value most. Which means you more than likely would be bankrupt, live in a sub-par situation, and neglect some responsibilities that you normally don't like attending to but are good for long-term life.
Thanks.
I'd prefer to live my life each day to ensure that my ensuing days were better than each day before it. Sure that's harder to say, and doesn't quite fit into a mantra, but there it is. Long-term goals meet short-term goals.
Ciao
~Sea n
Thanks.
I'd prefer to live my life each day to ensure that my ensuing days were better than each day before it. Sure that's harder to say, and doesn't quite fit into a mantra, but there it is. Long-term goals meet short-term goals.
Ciao
~Sea n
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Love
There is something so pure in the feeling of Love that it cannot be replicated, cannot be described, unless that description rings true with the one listening. No, that person cannot experience love that has not yet been experienced, but they can remember, and retain, and forgive, and live, and enjoy, and savor, and laugh, and cry, and embrace, and let it course through them like liquid fire, like nothing else that can do the same.
It's like embracing God. Letting Him come into your life, your body, your very being, and accepting, and not holding back. And believing where there is no cause to believe.
I've got it. And I have gotten it before. but I've let it go, and I've ruined it a bit. Love, I'm talking about. And God, per se. We'll see.
Okay, good-night/morning. I just finished watching the movie Gladiator.
Again. for the Xth time.
There's something pure in love.
Bye
~Sean
It's like embracing God. Letting Him come into your life, your body, your very being, and accepting, and not holding back. And believing where there is no cause to believe.
I've got it. And I have gotten it before. but I've let it go, and I've ruined it a bit. Love, I'm talking about. And God, per se. We'll see.
Okay, good-night/morning. I just finished watching the movie Gladiator.
Again. for the Xth time.
There's something pure in love.
Bye
~Sean
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Yay Mark Twain
As the title suggests, I found a lovely Mark Twain quote. Sweet.
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." ("Old Times on the Mississippi", Atlantic Monthly, 1874).
I don't need to say anything else. Enjoy it as I did.
~Seamus
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." ("Old Times on the Mississippi", Atlantic Monthly, 1874).
I don't need to say anything else. Enjoy it as I did.
~Seamus
Interesting, I found
So I was getting coffee at BNG the other day with Jenn Spitzer, and we were discussing the Bible, psychology, the idea of a "conscience", and history... and my mind flashed back to something I had read that talked about how the human brain has been evolving over the centuries to what it is today.
What that means is that our frontal lobes, the part we associate with "high intelligence", have been growing and become more interconnected. As I understand it, the right side of the brain is where a lot of our language understanding and speech recognition comes from, and the left is a lot of memory storage and subconcious thought. Now obviously each side does a lot, lot more, but those are the important parts for this discussion.
Way back when, in ancient times, it's theorized that the left and right side of the brain were not connected by nearly as many synapses and neurons as there are now, which means the communication between the two was much more distant. This led to two phenomenons that seem to be recorded in ancient texts: one being that people "heard" voices in their heads and recorded them as out-of-body voices (be it God, gods, devil, an actual separate conscience, etc.) and thus wrote about them. The other being that people were less aware of themselves.
Well, I found out where I had read it, and I'm going to type it out for you to read as well. It's from my Personality Psychology book, written by one of the UNH professors. Cool shtuff.
"It is not entirely clear when the concept of consciousness first emerged in the West. Early biblical and Greek writings appear to ignore the concept of consciousness... Julian Jaynes (1976) suggested the radical hypothesis that people were not fully conscious, in the modern sense of the word, until consciousness evolved some time between the eigth and second centuries B.C.E. Before that there was little sense of identity, and people often mistook their inner voices for other people, or even gods. For example, Amos is one of the earliest books of biblical literature, dating to the eighth century BCE. The book of Amos includes no mention ofa mind, or of thinking or thoughts, or of feeling, or of understanding. Amos describes himself minimally, as a shepherd, a "gatherer of sycamore fruit." Nor, in a sense, does Amos even speak. He pronounces, and after each prounouncement announces, "Thus speaks the Lord!" Amaziah, the priest of Bethel, reported that Amos was raising a conspiracy against Israel. Amaziah tells Amos directly to leave the land: "Get out, you seer! Go back to the land of Judah." In response, Amos answers in third person, saying he is acting on the basis of another's commands:
I was neither a prophet nor a prophet's son, but I was a shepherd, and I also took care of
sycamore-fig trees. But the Lord took me from tending the flock and said to me, "Go,
prophesy to my people Israel." Now then, hear the word of the LORD. (Amos 7:10-12)
There is little sense of personal awareness in this passage and others like it. By contrast, in the book of Ecclesiastes, dating from the second century BCE, we see personality in al of its introspective grandeur. The author of Ecclesiastes wants to share his knowledge and teach it to others:
I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who
has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge."
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I
learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much
sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
I thought in my heard, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good."
But that also proved to be meaningless... I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do
under heaven during the few days of their lives. (Ecclesiastes 2:1-3)
The contrast between the eighth-century BCE Amos and the second-century Ecclesiastes could not be more striking. Here, finally, is a modern-seeming personality talking to us. This same transistion to consciousness appears in the literary works of the ancient Greeks, and of other peoples of the Middle East, the Mediterranean, and elsewhere."
I don't know about you, but I found that all to be interesting to think about. Again, it's just a theory, with little way to prove or disprove it. But hey, it certainly seems plausible.
Sorry if this post was too long for you to read. I liked it though.
Buh-bye.
~Sean
What that means is that our frontal lobes, the part we associate with "high intelligence", have been growing and become more interconnected. As I understand it, the right side of the brain is where a lot of our language understanding and speech recognition comes from, and the left is a lot of memory storage and subconcious thought. Now obviously each side does a lot, lot more, but those are the important parts for this discussion.
Way back when, in ancient times, it's theorized that the left and right side of the brain were not connected by nearly as many synapses and neurons as there are now, which means the communication between the two was much more distant. This led to two phenomenons that seem to be recorded in ancient texts: one being that people "heard" voices in their heads and recorded them as out-of-body voices (be it God, gods, devil, an actual separate conscience, etc.) and thus wrote about them. The other being that people were less aware of themselves.
Well, I found out where I had read it, and I'm going to type it out for you to read as well. It's from my Personality Psychology book, written by one of the UNH professors. Cool shtuff.
"It is not entirely clear when the concept of consciousness first emerged in the West. Early biblical and Greek writings appear to ignore the concept of consciousness... Julian Jaynes (1976) suggested the radical hypothesis that people were not fully conscious, in the modern sense of the word, until consciousness evolved some time between the eigth and second centuries B.C.E. Before that there was little sense of identity, and people often mistook their inner voices for other people, or even gods. For example, Amos is one of the earliest books of biblical literature, dating to the eighth century BCE. The book of Amos includes no mention ofa mind, or of thinking or thoughts, or of feeling, or of understanding. Amos describes himself minimally, as a shepherd, a "gatherer of sycamore fruit." Nor, in a sense, does Amos even speak. He pronounces, and after each prounouncement announces, "Thus speaks the Lord!" Amaziah, the priest of Bethel, reported that Amos was raising a conspiracy against Israel. Amaziah tells Amos directly to leave the land: "Get out, you seer! Go back to the land of Judah." In response, Amos answers in third person, saying he is acting on the basis of another's commands:
I was neither a prophet nor a prophet's son, but I was a shepherd, and I also took care of
sycamore-fig trees. But the Lord took me from tending the flock and said to me, "Go,
prophesy to my people Israel." Now then, hear the word of the LORD. (Amos 7:10-12)
There is little sense of personal awareness in this passage and others like it. By contrast, in the book of Ecclesiastes, dating from the second century BCE, we see personality in al of its introspective grandeur. The author of Ecclesiastes wants to share his knowledge and teach it to others:
I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who
has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge."
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I
learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much
sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
I thought in my heard, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good."
But that also proved to be meaningless... I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do
under heaven during the few days of their lives. (Ecclesiastes 2:1-3)
The contrast between the eighth-century BCE Amos and the second-century Ecclesiastes could not be more striking. Here, finally, is a modern-seeming personality talking to us. This same transistion to consciousness appears in the literary works of the ancient Greeks, and of other peoples of the Middle East, the Mediterranean, and elsewhere."
I don't know about you, but I found that all to be interesting to think about. Again, it's just a theory, with little way to prove or disprove it. But hey, it certainly seems plausible.
Sorry if this post was too long for you to read. I liked it though.
Buh-bye.
~Sean
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
He should just fire me for next year
Probably going to be a hard decision, but he should. I can't see there being any other option for him. What can I do to make it easier?
Monday, May 5, 2008
The Blind
So's I was thinkin's today as I was walking from about Hamilton-Smith to HoCo (UNHers know that) of how I would be seeing things if I were blind. That seems to be pretty paradoxical, but really, in my mind's eye, how would things look? I've heard of people who are blind (*) getting corrective surgery, suddenly being able to see (Cornea replacements etc. etc.) and not liking it, in fact being slightly traumatized by the experience, because it's not what they saw in their mind, and they liked that better. I'd imagine, if you'd never seen before, how crazy that'd be as well... depth perception would be thrown off, you'd be overstimulated and the synapses in your brain wouldn't be used to firing in that way. Probably a long time to adjust.
Anyways, I think people who are blind (*) have a distinctly different perspective on the world. Tactile references would be huge (A blind person's touch would register a lot more detail than mine would) and they'd be big on textures. Also, I can imagine how it'd be walking past people as they were talking, not caring about how they look, just how they sound... are they happy? sad? Upset? Calm? High? Not talking?
Then I started thinking that they'd have a lot easier time not dealing with stereotypes.
That's all i have to say for now.
I almost wish I were blind, at least for a little while.
Does a person who is blind (*) throw snowballs?
~Sean
(*) = I had worded it as "blind people". Not being politically correct, per se, but Abby reminded me that using that wording makes it seem the inability to see defines the person. oh words and syntax.
Anyways, I think people who are blind (*) have a distinctly different perspective on the world. Tactile references would be huge (A blind person's touch would register a lot more detail than mine would) and they'd be big on textures. Also, I can imagine how it'd be walking past people as they were talking, not caring about how they look, just how they sound... are they happy? sad? Upset? Calm? High? Not talking?
Then I started thinking that they'd have a lot easier time not dealing with stereotypes.
That's all i have to say for now.
I almost wish I were blind, at least for a little while.
Does a person who is blind (*) throw snowballs?
~Sean
(*) = I had worded it as "blind people". Not being politically correct, per se, but Abby reminded me that using that wording makes it seem the inability to see defines the person. oh words and syntax.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Random but some filler
Hey all (aka myself and anyone else who may pretend to read this... so myself)
I'm just sitting at Panache thinking of things to do while I wait for my Sicilian Chicken Sandwich, and since the computer was free, I got on this, and started typing.
Now that you're updated on my current situation, I can get into everything else.
Just two weeks ago, actually 3 now, my life was completely worked out well, everything was positive, and I had things planned out. Well... things haven't gone to plan, and I haven't taken the brain time to think them through. Pretty soon I'm going to find that everything has caught up with me, and I'll be swamped with more work than I can handle, and more unnecessary issues than I need.
So I'm complaining, or rather talking, about it via blog to start my mind thinking again and trying to get myself into the mood to figure out my... life.
The biggest thing thus far is taking care of papers that I have put off doing work for. Second is trying to..
okay gotta go! Chicken's up.
Time to eat.
Ciao for now.
I'm just sitting at Panache thinking of things to do while I wait for my Sicilian Chicken Sandwich, and since the computer was free, I got on this, and started typing.
Now that you're updated on my current situation, I can get into everything else.
Just two weeks ago, actually 3 now, my life was completely worked out well, everything was positive, and I had things planned out. Well... things haven't gone to plan, and I haven't taken the brain time to think them through. Pretty soon I'm going to find that everything has caught up with me, and I'll be swamped with more work than I can handle, and more unnecessary issues than I need.
So I'm complaining, or rather talking, about it via blog to start my mind thinking again and trying to get myself into the mood to figure out my... life.
The biggest thing thus far is taking care of papers that I have put off doing work for. Second is trying to..
okay gotta go! Chicken's up.
Time to eat.
Ciao for now.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Random
So today I was standing at the tray return in Philly-B's, and for some odd reason I really really wanted to be back there unloading the trays. I sort've made it into a game for myself... "Who can unload trays the fastest". I figured if people see loaded trays going in, and then completely empty slots coming out, they'd be impressed. And it'd be me and probably one other person whipping through them. I'd feel pleased as punch.
That's... yeah. that's my thought for the day.
hahahha
Ciao bella!
~Sean
That's... yeah. that's my thought for the day.
hahahha
Ciao bella!
~Sean
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Ideas
Human beings are capable of causing so much pain in each other... and they're also capable of causing so much joy. Now, when you've found someone who is able to do both, then you know you need to pause, and consider them.
So I started writing this song for that one person, because I know that my actions and words have brought them on a roller coaster ride of emotions, you know, the one that people always mention when they're trying to think of good analogies for an unstable relationship...
Yeah, anyways, I've come to find that I've met a few people who I can honestly say had the ability to make me smile one moment and cry the next, while I feel I can do the same for them.
This song, it's for all the times I've made them feel pain so deep that it may never go away, and for all the times they made me feel joy so great I almost wonder if life is better than dreaming...
That's basically how I'd like to introduce a song that I want to write. It's in me, somewhere, and may come out in a few different ways, but I've got a song for those people, or that person, and I want to share it, and I can't yet.
I'll work on it, let you know how it is.
that's it for now.
So I started writing this song for that one person, because I know that my actions and words have brought them on a roller coaster ride of emotions, you know, the one that people always mention when they're trying to think of good analogies for an unstable relationship...
Yeah, anyways, I've come to find that I've met a few people who I can honestly say had the ability to make me smile one moment and cry the next, while I feel I can do the same for them.
This song, it's for all the times I've made them feel pain so deep that it may never go away, and for all the times they made me feel joy so great I almost wonder if life is better than dreaming...
That's basically how I'd like to introduce a song that I want to write. It's in me, somewhere, and may come out in a few different ways, but I've got a song for those people, or that person, and I want to share it, and I can't yet.
I'll work on it, let you know how it is.
that's it for now.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Hah
"I think if you knew you, you wouldn't be your friend."
I was told that today. Very interesting thing to think about.
So that's what I'm going to do, think about it for a while, then get some sleep.
And hopefully get myself organized.
There, mini-update. For myself.
haha gnight
~Sean
I was told that today. Very interesting thing to think about.
So that's what I'm going to do, think about it for a while, then get some sleep.
And hopefully get myself organized.
There, mini-update. For myself.
haha gnight
~Sean
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Reminder to myself
This is basically me reminding myself to talk about gum for the next post, and to talk about how recording with Not Too Sharp went. yup. Simple.
~Sean
~Sean
Friday, April 11, 2008
Life is...
Great, most of the time. I'm not sure what to do with this entry. Dear Blog;
I'm sitting down to write this after a few intense days of life. What does that mean? It means I certainly wasn't taking a vacation, and I certainly wasn't sitting around stagnant, bored, with nothing to do. Life-effecting events occuring. Even if that is just taking a test. It wasn't, but you get the idea, I was doing, thinking, and not just thinking "oh i wonder if the Sox are going to beat the Tigers?"
No, more like thoughts of "Oh what's the nature of God?". Too heavy? I apologize, although I get the sense I may be the only one who reads my blog. No matter, I do this to just... do it.
Not Too Sharp is recording now. That's the most exciting part about my life. Well, the most exciting that I'll talk about for now, but everything is looking great, and when I say everything, I mean RA life, Academic life (eh this one is more, it's not looking too bad... hah), Social Life, Not Too Sharp life, family life, summer job life... lots of things, and nothing going too far off. I mean, save one thing, however that wasn't something that I'm surprised about, even though it's something that is hard for me to fully cope with. I've got it covered though.
Life is good, as I said. I haven't accepted this much, lately, but I am starting to again. Maybe I feel more at peace with myself than I have in a while, and that I'm not just idly wasting my time, or avoiding work or issues, and now NTS is recording.
Oh, did I mention we're recording? This whole process fascinates me, and I'll be basically talking about that for the next few days (on the Blog) and more than likely talking about it non-stop for the next 3 weeks. But yeah, what can you expect?
Um... that's all I'm going to say for now. I don't really need to say much more, annnd I promised myself I'd keep these quasi-short. Done.
Truth*.
~Sean
I'm sitting down to write this after a few intense days of life. What does that mean? It means I certainly wasn't taking a vacation, and I certainly wasn't sitting around stagnant, bored, with nothing to do. Life-effecting events occuring. Even if that is just taking a test. It wasn't, but you get the idea, I was doing, thinking, and not just thinking "oh i wonder if the Sox are going to beat the Tigers?"
No, more like thoughts of "Oh what's the nature of God?". Too heavy? I apologize, although I get the sense I may be the only one who reads my blog. No matter, I do this to just... do it.
Not Too Sharp is recording now. That's the most exciting part about my life. Well, the most exciting that I'll talk about for now, but everything is looking great, and when I say everything, I mean RA life, Academic life (eh this one is more, it's not looking too bad... hah), Social Life, Not Too Sharp life, family life, summer job life... lots of things, and nothing going too far off. I mean, save one thing, however that wasn't something that I'm surprised about, even though it's something that is hard for me to fully cope with. I've got it covered though.
Life is good, as I said. I haven't accepted this much, lately, but I am starting to again. Maybe I feel more at peace with myself than I have in a while, and that I'm not just idly wasting my time, or avoiding work or issues, and now NTS is recording.
Oh, did I mention we're recording? This whole process fascinates me, and I'll be basically talking about that for the next few days (on the Blog) and more than likely talking about it non-stop for the next 3 weeks. But yeah, what can you expect?
Um... that's all I'm going to say for now. I don't really need to say much more, annnd I promised myself I'd keep these quasi-short. Done.
Truth*.
~Sean
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Shorter is better
Who ever said that longer is better? Not me. In this case, I think shorter is better... as long as I'm to the point, any post I make is easier to read, less time-consuming, and more or less impactful based on what I have to say.
I just said very little with a lot of words. Alright, new goal: to be able to write a lot with very few words. Maybe it'll work...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LZoO8LyizLA
Go there, it's Bo Burnham, I find it amusing. Cool.
Bye bye
~Sean
I just said very little with a lot of words. Alright, new goal: to be able to write a lot with very few words. Maybe it'll work...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LZoO8LyizLA
Go there, it's Bo Burnham, I find it amusing. Cool.
Bye bye
~Sean
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Remember when?
I wasn't planning on typing another entry tonight, mostly because I had nothing large to say or think about, but as I was falling asleep (for the second time tonight) I randomly had this flashback memory.
Well, really, I was thinking about my house and how it's been renovated, and how my room used to look before it got changed. For one thing, the ceiling was basically raised from the flat 8 foot tall, 1x1 foot square tiles to a sloped ceiling that reached upwards of 12 feet (allowing us to put in a bunkbed). For another, the walls were changed from that fake wood slat stuff (basically vertical "slices" of a log, about 8 inches or more wide, with a small black bit of grout between them... looked like it belonged in a wood cabin up north) to a robin's egg blue plain wall... I liked the wood better. You could find faces in the knots :)
Another reason I'm explaining this is because this was/is a relatively large room... take your average college dorm-room (double), put two or three together... voilà. It was (is) large enough for 3 beds (Me and two of my brothers, Kevin and Chris), our dressers, and a desk for each of us. So we used to have it set up something like...
[Frustrated pause... I had just spent the past 8 minutes trying to make a rough architectural drawing using just type characters like |______| of the whole room set-up, with beds and everything... and then found that it doesn't translate with HTML... or this posting thing... which makes me frustrated that I'm not more computer literate so that I could easily amend the issue. okay, back to life]
ANYways, there were three beds spaced out along the wall. For some reason, I had this memory of my parents saying goodnight to us, tucking us in and going between each bed, separately kissing goodnight and quiet-talking to us, saying things like "Sleep well Seanny; see you in the morning; i am so proud of you today Seanny; I love you; etc. etc." Although, my dad never really ever called me Seanny, unless he was saying "Old weird Seanny" which he still does often... It was usually my mom to call me that.
But yeah, they'd start on the far end of the room (Chris' bed), come to mine, then walk around the bed again and go to Kevin. This was done with the lights turned off and just the light from the hall-way coming in. Basically, it was almost every night.
We also said prayers together, and usually sang a song or two, or sometimes we read a book (like this one about some guy who invented a huge hot-air-balloon house that went back in time, to the dinosaurs, with some kids... and there was a baby balloon attached to the larger one that they used for smaller expeditions... such a cool book, in my opinion.). My older brother and sister would usually join us for that, then, being the younger 3, we'd all go to bed shortly after saying prayers and mom and dad tucking us in.
I like memories like that. I also wish I could have done a little better job for you illuminating that moment in time for me. I know I could have, I'm a better writer than that. But for the moment, I just wanted you to relate... and if you can, cool, and if you can't, i'm sure you've got some good story to share of your own, so why not share it?
Good night y'all. Or good day, whenever you are reading this.
Leave a comment, let me know if you read this?
Forever, eternally, infinitely yours,
S34n
PsPs- Can I do that? two ps? no? sorry.
Well, really, I was thinking about my house and how it's been renovated, and how my room used to look before it got changed. For one thing, the ceiling was basically raised from the flat 8 foot tall, 1x1 foot square tiles to a sloped ceiling that reached upwards of 12 feet (allowing us to put in a bunkbed). For another, the walls were changed from that fake wood slat stuff (basically vertical "slices" of a log, about 8 inches or more wide, with a small black bit of grout between them... looked like it belonged in a wood cabin up north) to a robin's egg blue plain wall... I liked the wood better. You could find faces in the knots :)
Another reason I'm explaining this is because this was/is a relatively large room... take your average college dorm-room (double), put two or three together... voilà. It was (is) large enough for 3 beds (Me and two of my brothers, Kevin and Chris), our dressers, and a desk for each of us. So we used to have it set up something like...
[Frustrated pause... I had just spent the past 8 minutes trying to make a rough architectural drawing using just type characters like |______| of the whole room set-up, with beds and everything... and then found that it doesn't translate with HTML... or this posting thing... which makes me frustrated that I'm not more computer literate so that I could easily amend the issue. okay, back to life]
ANYways, there were three beds spaced out along the wall. For some reason, I had this memory of my parents saying goodnight to us, tucking us in and going between each bed, separately kissing goodnight and quiet-talking to us, saying things like "Sleep well Seanny; see you in the morning; i am so proud of you today Seanny; I love you; etc. etc." Although, my dad never really ever called me Seanny, unless he was saying "Old weird Seanny" which he still does often... It was usually my mom to call me that.
But yeah, they'd start on the far end of the room (Chris' bed), come to mine, then walk around the bed again and go to Kevin. This was done with the lights turned off and just the light from the hall-way coming in. Basically, it was almost every night.
We also said prayers together, and usually sang a song or two, or sometimes we read a book (like this one about some guy who invented a huge hot-air-balloon house that went back in time, to the dinosaurs, with some kids... and there was a baby balloon attached to the larger one that they used for smaller expeditions... such a cool book, in my opinion.). My older brother and sister would usually join us for that, then, being the younger 3, we'd all go to bed shortly after saying prayers and mom and dad tucking us in.
I like memories like that. I also wish I could have done a little better job for you illuminating that moment in time for me. I know I could have, I'm a better writer than that. But for the moment, I just wanted you to relate... and if you can, cool, and if you can't, i'm sure you've got some good story to share of your own, so why not share it?
Good night y'all. Or good day, whenever you are reading this.
Leave a comment, let me know if you read this?
Forever, eternally, infinitely yours,
S34n
PsPs- Can I do that? two ps? no? sorry.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Hmmm
I started writing a new song today that I like... it's kind of chill/laid back. So far, this is what I've got... nothing too much though, obviously needs some work/extra lyrics.
Let me know what you think:
Give me something to write on
I've got an idea
If you give me a moment
I'll try to make it clear
My whole life it escapes me
I've got nowhere to go
I guess it's time for a lesson
On how to take it slow
I gotta slooow down
I know I'm movin' too fast
But I'm goooin' nowhere
Cause I'm stuck in the past
(I'm stuck in the past)
I got a friend named Barry
Okay maybe I don't
Just listen to his story
But I know that you won't
Okay ciao for a bit.
~Sean
Let me know what you think:
Give me something to write on
I've got an idea
If you give me a moment
I'll try to make it clear
My whole life it escapes me
I've got nowhere to go
I guess it's time for a lesson
On how to take it slow
I gotta slooow down
I know I'm movin' too fast
But I'm goooin' nowhere
Cause I'm stuck in the past
(I'm stuck in the past)
I got a friend named Barry
Okay maybe I don't
Just listen to his story
But I know that you won't
Okay ciao for a bit.
~Sean
Hubris
Hubris, excessive pride. I'm afraid of it, yet I am not the most modest person. I have a hard time juggling these ideas within myself.
I'm telling you a little bit about myself just because I'm trying to figure it out, and it's more for me anyways.
So I have the hardest time accepting compliments or things that are "good" about myself. People compliment me probably just as much as they compliment others, and I often act in ways that seek compliments, but whenever I get them, I have no idea how to accept them. A lot of it is because I don't want to seem cocky, but just as large a part is that I often don't completely agree with whatever the person is saying.
For example, people compliment me on my voice, saying that they like how I sing, etc. etc. That's hard praise to look at the person and say "Thanks!". Mostly because I feel like I know, personally, that my voice isn't really that good. It's above average, with the "average" being the person that can't really sing but will sing along with a song they know. So in the broad spectrum, that puts me at proficient. What good does that do me? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like my voice too sometimes, but there are others who I would love to listen to over myself. With all that in mind, how can I look at someone and say "thanks!" without amending it and saying "Thanks, but it's not really the best!" or something along those lines. Whenever I do that, I always feel like I am horrible at taking compliments, and that I am fishing for more.
That's the same with looks, with performance in things, with anything really. Actually, now that I think about it, there are a few things that I am perfectly comfortable saying, "thanks, I love it" about... any sport that I feel like I'm good in, and can back up my competitive word in (such as Frisbee), or with some things academically. Maybe there are a few other examples, but I can't pinpoint them at the moment. I'm not sure why that is...
But the reason I'm talking about this is because I often find that I can't be happy with myself or a lot of my relationships with people, or my performance in anything and everything. In a way, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: I see myself as lazy sometimes, forgetful, immodest, procrastinating... and I find myself acting out those attributes. I rarely sit there and say "I am very pleased with myself today." The last time I remember doing that, I was building something up at Camp, and once I completed it, it looked great.
Or, with meeting my floor for the first time... I thought it went well, and less on my part, but more on the part of all my guys. (I friggin' love them, btw)
Back to me (this is my blog, afterall... pish-posh, I actually will probably write about a few different people on occasion): I know that I am very hard on myself, moreso than may be deserved, but since I know I scrutinize myself immensely, i often feel justified when I take pride in myself or confidence in certain things. That's where I come off as cocky or confident, where I feel I know what I'm talking about or am doing things up to my own personal par.
I love life sometimes. Like now.
Sometimes I also wonder if I'm bi-polar, like my younger brother. Other times I get afraid that I may have cancer that hasn't been detected yet. There's no legitimate basis for that (the fear of cancer), but I sometimes wish I could just have a scan of my whole body just to be positive.
Jumping around to more random thoughts: I haven't written a new song that I liked in a long while. Any idea why that might be?
Can I get some food over here please? I know it's 4:20 in the morning, but I'm hungry!
Okay this has quickly deteriorated into something I no longer can follow, and probably neither can you (whoever "you" may be).
So I'll leave without saying goodbye.
Truthfully,
S. Matthews
PS- What the alphabet would look like without "Q" or "R.
I'm telling you a little bit about myself just because I'm trying to figure it out, and it's more for me anyways.
So I have the hardest time accepting compliments or things that are "good" about myself. People compliment me probably just as much as they compliment others, and I often act in ways that seek compliments, but whenever I get them, I have no idea how to accept them. A lot of it is because I don't want to seem cocky, but just as large a part is that I often don't completely agree with whatever the person is saying.
For example, people compliment me on my voice, saying that they like how I sing, etc. etc. That's hard praise to look at the person and say "Thanks!". Mostly because I feel like I know, personally, that my voice isn't really that good. It's above average, with the "average" being the person that can't really sing but will sing along with a song they know. So in the broad spectrum, that puts me at proficient. What good does that do me? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like my voice too sometimes, but there are others who I would love to listen to over myself. With all that in mind, how can I look at someone and say "thanks!" without amending it and saying "Thanks, but it's not really the best!" or something along those lines. Whenever I do that, I always feel like I am horrible at taking compliments, and that I am fishing for more.
That's the same with looks, with performance in things, with anything really. Actually, now that I think about it, there are a few things that I am perfectly comfortable saying, "thanks, I love it" about... any sport that I feel like I'm good in, and can back up my competitive word in (such as Frisbee), or with some things academically. Maybe there are a few other examples, but I can't pinpoint them at the moment. I'm not sure why that is...
But the reason I'm talking about this is because I often find that I can't be happy with myself or a lot of my relationships with people, or my performance in anything and everything. In a way, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: I see myself as lazy sometimes, forgetful, immodest, procrastinating... and I find myself acting out those attributes. I rarely sit there and say "I am very pleased with myself today." The last time I remember doing that, I was building something up at Camp, and once I completed it, it looked great.
Or, with meeting my floor for the first time... I thought it went well, and less on my part, but more on the part of all my guys. (I friggin' love them, btw)
Back to me (this is my blog, afterall... pish-posh, I actually will probably write about a few different people on occasion): I know that I am very hard on myself, moreso than may be deserved, but since I know I scrutinize myself immensely, i often feel justified when I take pride in myself or confidence in certain things. That's where I come off as cocky or confident, where I feel I know what I'm talking about or am doing things up to my own personal par.
I love life sometimes. Like now.
Sometimes I also wonder if I'm bi-polar, like my younger brother. Other times I get afraid that I may have cancer that hasn't been detected yet. There's no legitimate basis for that (the fear of cancer), but I sometimes wish I could just have a scan of my whole body just to be positive.
Jumping around to more random thoughts: I haven't written a new song that I liked in a long while. Any idea why that might be?
Can I get some food over here please? I know it's 4:20 in the morning, but I'm hungry!
Okay this has quickly deteriorated into something I no longer can follow, and probably neither can you (whoever "you" may be).
So I'll leave without saying goodbye.
Truthfully,
S. Matthews
PS- What the alphabet would look like without "Q" or "R.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Go Figure
I wish i had a nickel for every time someone laughed.
Maybe that's a strange wish, but not as strange as my absolute obsession with nickels.
~Trevor
Ps- poor post? Yeah, definitely, but I felt the need to write something before hitting the sheets. So I did. Voila! I promise I will not dissappoint in the future. Perhaps*.
Maybe that's a strange wish, but not as strange as my absolute obsession with nickels.
~Trevor
Ps- poor post? Yeah, definitely, but I felt the need to write something before hitting the sheets. So I did. Voila! I promise I will not dissappoint in the future. Perhaps*.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tire treads
Look. Smile. Run. Skip.
Don't know, but I figured I'd write a little sum' sum before I go to bed. Thoughts: not much, I've been grazing the internet for interesting tidbits, checking up on my celtics and others, listening to music (especially Hyannis Sound's version of Solsbury Hill, on the Bootleg 4 album, which is live, and is awesome, and I've set the alarm on my computer to play it to wake me up in the morning.)
If you want to do that too, the setting up an alarm on your computer and playing an audio file to wake you up (as opposed to the heavy "doot, doot, doots" that it normally makes), then check outhttp://citrus-alarm-clock.uptodown.com/en/
or if you don't trust that I could send you the file (I think they no longer allow a free download, since they have a new version out... Oh well. I'm willing to share!)
Mmh that's about it for now. Let me know if you want anything. Juice? Milk? Maybe Orange Julius. That stuff is good... Or a strawberry Daquiri? Virgin, of course. I like IBC root beer.
Enjoy your night, I'm going to get some early rest. You should consider it for yourself!
Insufferably yours,
Sean E Matthews
PS- if you can't really see the picture above, oh well... but it's a panorama I took from the top of Sugarloaf mountain. I like it, although it's not the greatest in terms of angle etc. But it looks neat regardless!
How open do I need to be?
I wonder how open people are with their blogs. Will they ever admit openly to masturbating? Or maybe they'll talk about other private things that people usually deem as "unseemly" or inappropriate to talk about. No matter, it was just a thought I had as I go to write this at 3:40AM, Saturday... well the date will be posted, so will the time, so nevermind on that as well. Bullocks. (don't honestly know exactly what bullocks means, but it seemed perfectly suited for the situation. Voila, it appeared.)
Reason to write this: Nothing.
But deep reflection (or perhaps surface level, that i pretend to think is deep?) does occur late at night in my mind, actually all the time in my mind, and I never express it. Or understand how. Basically, you're on my mind, and I want to express myself to you, I have wanted to in the past, there have been those intimate pauses where both you and I know exactly what's on my lips but won't let itself loose, and we both know the power of those words. If you don't understand what I am saying right about now, then this little paragraph is not for you. You'll get over it. I know.
I have been awake far longer than I had planned, but then again I never had planned to go to sleep at a specific time. It's just, when it comes to a point that I'm lying in bed (actually my futon) and I have the TV on, and am flipping between Discovery Channel, History Channel, Military Channel, SportsCenter, and HBO late-night (which is very often medium-core porn, which I usually watch snippets of for my amusement [typically non-sexual] due to bad acting...), then I know I have stayed up beyond a specific purpose. I am wasting sleeping hours, gaining some facts that are mostly useless, like how things are made, or some different interpretations of the Bible (okay this one would be useful, if I had been watching the program from the beginning, however I never do, therefore I never understand where they are at, so I quickly switch channels).
That's when it's too long. But tonight was a little bit different, because I started reading from Rumi's book of love (which isn't the exact title, please don't try searching for that exactly... if you want to know, ask, and I'll tell) that my friend, Lauren, gave me to read. I have to admit, I haven't done much pleasure reading since coming to college, which is really surprising to me, since I thought I would always have my nose in a book. But maybe I have woken up a little and, with the newfound freedom that college-life affords us, i've tried living a little bit in my own life instead of through the lives that I read about.
Still, reading for pleasure is perhaps one of my favorite pasttimes, and I never have tried reading poetry before. So, this is a first for me, and also a bit surprising, since I get the feeling I will be reading through the book a few different times, taking notes, quoting here and there, maybe finding inspiration to write a song or two, some lines reflecting Rumi's poetry.
My favorite line so far that I've read isn't actually from Rumi, it's from the guy who translated him (he's an Islamic poet from the 13th century AD [has to be AD, cuz of Islam, but hey, it looks more impressive that way] or maybe i'll say CE because the people who don't want to use Anno Domini as the label for years decided that was more appropriate... although i think I have that wrong, maybe there is supposed to be another initial, I don't recall. not important, once again.)
That line: "Rumi's poetry wants to dissolve the lovers. Annihilation is the point." Cool. Poems about love, dissolving lovers. I'll probably understand that more as I read through the poetry. But I like it so far. Love isn't story-book. It's not Disney. It's unique.
Favorite thought that I've had so far reading the first bits?
"Every love between two persons is unique."
This comes from this passage, I think, also not from Rumi but his translator... "Still, we do love in many different ways. Let me count them. There are as many ways of loving as there are people, and that wildflower variety is the great beauty of this dimension of existence."
So that's my main thought for the night, and it is a comforting one to myself. It makes me feel alright about some thoughts I've had about love, that I can love many different people at once, and I can think about my past experiences with love and say "you know what, it's alright that that felt a little different than this time... it should feel that way. Love as you know how."
Don't know where that last part came from. I just wanted to add something bolded to this blog entry and make it "quotable". heh heh... not a great job eh?
Anyways, I digress (as always, you know that, i mean, you made it this far didn't you?).
I want closure. I know how to get it. I don't think it'll be allowed to me, unless I demand it, "it" being the certain one-on-one situation. And the one-on-one situation will not be the comfortable caring one that I want, but rather stressed and awkward. So I'll probably end up writing the closure and delivering it that way. Love is a fantastically awkward thing. So much for storybook endings and fairytale living. Rumi's onto something. You and I will both see. (that last you was a universal one, just fyi)
Okay I have written far more than enough. I am going to close this one out by... uh well, i was going to say "saying a little prayer," but that doesn't make too much sense in the larger scheme of things, but it's what came to mind. Especially since most people (including myself) consider prayer, if it's individualized, to be a private thing, unless the setting is correct. Maybe I lie. So here goes a try.
God; would you ever want to get in the way of love?
I'll be waiting for His answer.
Ciao for now (hate that line, but I'm obsessed with it),
~Sean E. Cummings... yeah...
Reason to write this: Nothing.
But deep reflection (or perhaps surface level, that i pretend to think is deep?) does occur late at night in my mind, actually all the time in my mind, and I never express it. Or understand how. Basically, you're on my mind, and I want to express myself to you, I have wanted to in the past, there have been those intimate pauses where both you and I know exactly what's on my lips but won't let itself loose, and we both know the power of those words. If you don't understand what I am saying right about now, then this little paragraph is not for you. You'll get over it. I know.
I have been awake far longer than I had planned, but then again I never had planned to go to sleep at a specific time. It's just, when it comes to a point that I'm lying in bed (actually my futon) and I have the TV on, and am flipping between Discovery Channel, History Channel, Military Channel, SportsCenter, and HBO late-night (which is very often medium-core porn, which I usually watch snippets of for my amusement [typically non-sexual] due to bad acting...), then I know I have stayed up beyond a specific purpose. I am wasting sleeping hours, gaining some facts that are mostly useless, like how things are made, or some different interpretations of the Bible (okay this one would be useful, if I had been watching the program from the beginning, however I never do, therefore I never understand where they are at, so I quickly switch channels).
That's when it's too long. But tonight was a little bit different, because I started reading from Rumi's book of love (which isn't the exact title, please don't try searching for that exactly... if you want to know, ask, and I'll tell) that my friend, Lauren, gave me to read. I have to admit, I haven't done much pleasure reading since coming to college, which is really surprising to me, since I thought I would always have my nose in a book. But maybe I have woken up a little and, with the newfound freedom that college-life affords us, i've tried living a little bit in my own life instead of through the lives that I read about.
Still, reading for pleasure is perhaps one of my favorite pasttimes, and I never have tried reading poetry before. So, this is a first for me, and also a bit surprising, since I get the feeling I will be reading through the book a few different times, taking notes, quoting here and there, maybe finding inspiration to write a song or two, some lines reflecting Rumi's poetry.
My favorite line so far that I've read isn't actually from Rumi, it's from the guy who translated him (he's an Islamic poet from the 13th century AD [has to be AD, cuz of Islam, but hey, it looks more impressive that way] or maybe i'll say CE because the people who don't want to use Anno Domini as the label for years decided that was more appropriate... although i think I have that wrong, maybe there is supposed to be another initial, I don't recall. not important, once again.)
That line: "Rumi's poetry wants to dissolve the lovers. Annihilation is the point." Cool. Poems about love, dissolving lovers. I'll probably understand that more as I read through the poetry. But I like it so far. Love isn't story-book. It's not Disney. It's unique.
Favorite thought that I've had so far reading the first bits?
"Every love between two persons is unique."
This comes from this passage, I think, also not from Rumi but his translator... "Still, we do love in many different ways. Let me count them. There are as many ways of loving as there are people, and that wildflower variety is the great beauty of this dimension of existence."
So that's my main thought for the night, and it is a comforting one to myself. It makes me feel alright about some thoughts I've had about love, that I can love many different people at once, and I can think about my past experiences with love and say "you know what, it's alright that that felt a little different than this time... it should feel that way. Love as you know how."
Don't know where that last part came from. I just wanted to add something bolded to this blog entry and make it "quotable". heh heh... not a great job eh?
Anyways, I digress (as always, you know that, i mean, you made it this far didn't you?).
I want closure. I know how to get it. I don't think it'll be allowed to me, unless I demand it, "it" being the certain one-on-one situation. And the one-on-one situation will not be the comfortable caring one that I want, but rather stressed and awkward. So I'll probably end up writing the closure and delivering it that way. Love is a fantastically awkward thing. So much for storybook endings and fairytale living. Rumi's onto something. You and I will both see. (that last you was a universal one, just fyi)
Okay I have written far more than enough. I am going to close this one out by... uh well, i was going to say "saying a little prayer," but that doesn't make too much sense in the larger scheme of things, but it's what came to mind. Especially since most people (including myself) consider prayer, if it's individualized, to be a private thing, unless the setting is correct. Maybe I lie. So here goes a try.
God; would you ever want to get in the way of love?
I'll be waiting for His answer.
Ciao for now (hate that line, but I'm obsessed with it),
~Sean E. Cummings... yeah...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
I struggle
For some reason, I've always struggled writing upbeat songs. I hear Seth and Brad talk about writing lyrics to songs today, and how it gets easier and better the more you do it. So maybe I'll start doing that... just keep writing, and even if they're bad songs, get over it and move on.
But yeah, I rarely am able to write songs that put smiles on people's faces. We'll see... I'll keep you/myself updated.
Bada ba ba baaa
I'm lovin' it
Indubitably,
SESM
But yeah, I rarely am able to write songs that put smiles on people's faces. We'll see... I'll keep you/myself updated.
Bada ba ba baaa
I'm lovin' it
Indubitably,
SESM
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Listen
Here's a poem that I like, I figure you may like it as well... especially a specific amie de moi. (that's horrible french grammar, I apologize) (is it too late to apologize?) (sorry, couldn't help it) (yes I could, but I didn't want to). (OKAY okay I'm done, and ready.) (Are you?)
LISTEN
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me
why I should not feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
LISTEN! All I asked was that you listen.
Not talk, or do; just hear me.
Advice is cheap: A dollar and 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby and
Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for
myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do FEEL what I FEEL,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince
you and get about the business of understanding what is
behind this irrational feeling... and when that is clear,
the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them
Perhaps that is why prayer works sometimes, for some people,
because God is mute and He doesn't give advice--or try to
fix things.
He/She just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen and just hear ,e. And, if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn; and, I'll listen to you.
~(Author Unknown)
That was a poem given to me in my Honors Seminar (SW 444H) class, and I just think it applies nicely to a lot of times when people ask "Am I a good listener?". Just reading that will let you decide for yourself. The important thing, I think, is for the person who is asking someone to listen... that person needs to actually ask that. There can't be any assumptions, they need to say "Hey, do you mind listening for a bit?" and go into it, or something along those lines. Sometimes I'm very awkward with my dialogue. So please don't take my advice ever, just uh... think for yourself.
Haha alright I'm done for now
Sincerely,
Sean Edward Seamus Matthews
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me
why I should not feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
LISTEN! All I asked was that you listen.
Not talk, or do; just hear me.
Advice is cheap: A dollar and 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby and
Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for
myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do FEEL what I FEEL,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince
you and get about the business of understanding what is
behind this irrational feeling... and when that is clear,
the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them
Perhaps that is why prayer works sometimes, for some people,
because God is mute and He doesn't give advice--or try to
fix things.
He/She just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen and just hear ,e. And, if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn; and, I'll listen to you.
~(Author Unknown)
That was a poem given to me in my Honors Seminar (SW 444H) class, and I just think it applies nicely to a lot of times when people ask "Am I a good listener?". Just reading that will let you decide for yourself. The important thing, I think, is for the person who is asking someone to listen... that person needs to actually ask that. There can't be any assumptions, they need to say "Hey, do you mind listening for a bit?" and go into it, or something along those lines. Sometimes I'm very awkward with my dialogue. So please don't take my advice ever, just uh... think for yourself.
Haha alright I'm done for now
Sincerely,
Sean Edward Seamus Matthews
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I can't feel my legs
Hey all, meaning the one or two people who are ever going to read this... I'm just putting this up for now because I don't have much else on my mind to type or share. Well, yet. I always love talking.
But anyways, I decided to switch blog sites because I wanted to have people be able to comment if they'd like. I have had a livejournal account before, and I had a Tumblr account, both URLs are:
http://seanneedsattention.tumblr.com/
and
http://seanmatthews.livejournal.com/
The LJ account is from my Senior year of High School, so now about two years ago.
Hmm I'm done for now, I'll probably post later tonight or at some point this week. I can't guarantee this is going to be interesting though, so I apologize if I end up disappointing. Let me know if it doesn't though, positive feedback is always appreciated. :-)
But anyways, I decided to switch blog sites because I wanted to have people be able to comment if they'd like. I have had a livejournal account before, and I had a Tumblr account, both URLs are:
http://seanneedsattention.tumblr.com/
and
http://seanmatthews.livejournal.com/
The LJ account is from my Senior year of High School, so now about two years ago.
Hmm I'm done for now, I'll probably post later tonight or at some point this week. I can't guarantee this is going to be interesting though, so I apologize if I end up disappointing. Let me know if it doesn't though, positive feedback is always appreciated. :-)
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