Tire treads

Look. Smile. Run. Skip.

Don't know, but I figured I'd write a little sum' sum before I go to bed. Thoughts: not much, I've been grazing the internet for interesting tidbits, checking up on my celtics and others, listening to music (especially Hyannis Sound's version of Solsbury Hill, on the Bootleg 4 album, which is live, and is awesome, and I've set the alarm on my computer to play it to wake me up in the morning.)

If you want to do that too, the setting up an alarm on your computer and playing an audio file to wake you up (as opposed to the heavy "doot, doot, doots" that it normally makes), then check outhttp://citrus-alarm-clock.uptodown.com/en/

or if you don't trust that I could send you the file (I think they no longer allow a free download, since they have a new version out... Oh well. I'm willing to share!)

Mmh that's about it for now. Let me know if you want anything. Juice? Milk? Maybe Orange Julius. That stuff is good... Or a strawberry Daquiri? Virgin, of course. I like IBC root beer.

Enjoy your night, I'm going to get some early rest. You should consider it for yourself!

Insufferably yours,

Sean E Matthews

PS- if you can't really see the picture above, oh well... but it's a panorama I took from the top of Sugarloaf mountain. I like it, although it's not the greatest in terms of angle etc. But it looks neat regardless!

Thinking again?

Do thoughts/words that go unsaid, but are understood, need to be said?

How open do I need to be?

I wonder how open people are with their blogs. Will they ever admit openly to masturbating? Or maybe they'll talk about other private things that people usually deem as "unseemly" or inappropriate to talk about. No matter, it was just a thought I had as I go to write this at 3:40AM, Saturday... well the date will be posted, so will the time, so nevermind on that as well. Bullocks. (don't honestly know exactly what bullocks means, but it seemed perfectly suited for the situation. Voila, it appeared.)

Reason to write this: Nothing.


But deep reflection (or perhaps surface level, that i pretend to think is deep?) does occur late at night in my mind, actually all the time in my mind, and I never express it. Or understand how. Basically, you're on my mind, and I want to express myself to you, I have wanted to in the past, there have been those intimate pauses where both you and I know exactly what's on my lips but won't let itself loose, and we both know the power of those words. If you don't understand what I am saying right about now, then this little paragraph is not for you. You'll get over it. I know.

I have been awake far longer than I had planned, but then again I never had planned to go to sleep at a specific time. It's just, when it comes to a point that I'm lying in bed (actually my futon) and I have the TV on, and am flipping between Discovery Channel, History Channel, Military Channel, SportsCenter, and HBO late-night (which is very often medium-core porn, which I usually watch snippets of for my amusement [typically non-sexual] due to bad acting...), then I know I have stayed up beyond a specific purpose. I am wasting sleeping hours, gaining some facts that are mostly useless, like how things are made, or some different interpretations of the Bible (okay this one would be useful, if I had been watching the program from the beginning, however I never do, therefore I never understand where they are at, so I quickly switch channels).

That's when it's too long. But tonight was a little bit different, because I started reading from Rumi's book of love (which isn't the exact title, please don't try searching for that exactly... if you want to know, ask, and I'll tell) that my friend, Lauren, gave me to read. I have to admit, I haven't done much pleasure reading since coming to college, which is really surprising to me, since I thought I would always have my nose in a book. But maybe I have woken up a little and, with the newfound freedom that college-life affords us, i've tried living a little bit in my own life instead of through the lives that I read about.

Still, reading for pleasure is perhaps one of my favorite pasttimes, and I never have tried reading poetry before. So, this is a first for me, and also a bit surprising, since I get the feeling I will be reading through the book a few different times, taking notes, quoting here and there, maybe finding inspiration to write a song or two, some lines reflecting Rumi's poetry.

My favorite line so far that I've read isn't actually from Rumi, it's from the guy who translated him (he's an Islamic poet from the 13th century AD [has to be AD, cuz of Islam, but hey, it looks more impressive that way] or maybe i'll say CE because the people who don't want to use Anno Domini as the label for years decided that was more appropriate... although i think I have that wrong, maybe there is supposed to be another initial, I don't recall. not important, once again.)

That line: "Rumi's poetry wants to dissolve the lovers. Annihilation is the point." Cool. Poems about love, dissolving lovers. I'll probably understand that more as I read through the poetry. But I like it so far. Love isn't story-book. It's not Disney. It's unique.

Favorite thought that I've had so far reading the first bits?

"Every love between two persons is unique."

This comes from this passage, I think, also not from Rumi but his translator... "Still, we do love in many different ways. Let me count them. There are as many ways of loving as there are people, and that wildflower variety is the great beauty of this dimension of existence."

So that's my main thought for the night, and it is a comforting one to myself. It makes me feel alright about some thoughts I've had about love, that I can love many different people at once, and I can think about my past experiences with love and say "you know what, it's alright that that felt a little different than this time... it should feel that way. Love as you know how."

Don't know where that last part came from. I just wanted to add something bolded to this blog entry and make it "quotable". heh heh... not a great job eh?

Anyways, I digress (as always, you know that, i mean, you made it this far didn't you?).

I want closure. I know how to get it. I don't think it'll be allowed to me, unless I demand it, "it" being the certain one-on-one situation. And the one-on-one situation will not be the comfortable caring one that I want, but rather stressed and awkward. So I'll probably end up writing the closure and delivering it that way. Love is a fantastically awkward thing. So much for storybook endings and fairytale living. Rumi's onto something. You and I will both see. (that last you was a universal one, just fyi)

Okay I have written far more than enough. I am going to close this one out by... uh well, i was going to say "saying a little prayer," but that doesn't make too much sense in the larger scheme of things, but it's what came to mind. Especially since most people (including myself) consider prayer, if it's individualized, to be a private thing, unless the setting is correct. Maybe I lie. So here goes a try.

God; would you ever want to get in the way of love?

I'll be waiting for His answer.

Ciao for now (hate that line, but I'm obsessed with it),

~Sean E. Cummings... yeah...

I struggle

For some reason, I've always struggled writing upbeat songs. I hear Seth and Brad talk about writing lyrics to songs today, and how it gets easier and better the more you do it. So maybe I'll start doing that... just keep writing, and even if they're bad songs, get over it and move on.

But yeah, I rarely am able to write songs that put smiles on people's faces. We'll see... I'll keep you/myself updated.

Bada ba ba baaa

I'm lovin' it

Indubitably,

SESM

Listen

Here's a poem that I like, I figure you may like it as well... especially a specific amie de moi. (that's horrible french grammar, I apologize) (is it too late to apologize?) (sorry, couldn't help it) (yes I could, but I didn't want to). (OKAY okay I'm done, and ready.) (Are you?)

LISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me
why I should not feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

LISTEN! All I asked was that you listen.
Not talk, or do; just hear me.

Advice is cheap: A dollar and 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby and
Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for
myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do FEEL what I FEEL,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince
you and get about the business of understanding what is
behind this irrational feeling... and when that is clear,
the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them

Perhaps that is why prayer works sometimes, for some people,
because God is mute and He doesn't give advice--or try to
fix things.

He/She just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.

So please listen and just hear ,e. And, if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn; and, I'll listen to you.

~(Author Unknown)



That was a poem given to me in my Honors Seminar (SW 444H) class, and I just think it applies nicely to a lot of times when people ask "Am I a good listener?". Just reading that will let you decide for yourself. The important thing, I think, is for the person who is asking someone to listen... that person needs to actually ask that. There can't be any assumptions, they need to say "Hey, do you mind listening for a bit?" and go into it, or something along those lines. Sometimes I'm very awkward with my dialogue. So please don't take my advice ever, just uh... think for yourself.

Haha alright I'm done for now

Sincerely,

Sean Edward Seamus Matthews

I can't feel my legs

Hey all, meaning the one or two people who are ever going to read this... I'm just putting this up for now because I don't have much else on my mind to type or share. Well, yet. I always love talking.

But anyways, I decided to switch blog sites because I wanted to have people be able to comment if they'd like. I have had a livejournal account before, and I had a Tumblr account, both URLs are:

http://seanneedsattention.tumblr.com/

and

http://seanmatthews.livejournal.com/

The LJ account is from my Senior year of High School, so now about two years ago.

Hmm I'm done for now, I'll probably post later tonight or at some point this week. I can't guarantee this is going to be interesting though, so I apologize if I end up disappointing. Let me know if it doesn't though, positive feedback is always appreciated. :-)